I'm not sure it comes with age or it just the personality thing since I been pregnant I have come to realize that it hard to stay in one place. Not going out, knowing what's in what's out, what's hot and what's old or maybe it because I'm living in a country where literally there's no place for a city girl. I mean I been here for almost 8 years now and I ought to get use it by now, who to blame when my first 3 years was all about works which I barely have time for any social life, then the next 3 years was busy dating and trying to find my place in society thing that say "YES! I did it and this is what I want to do!"
The last 2 years just me starting my own family even though there's not much of a different, except me being 8 months pregnant! Then again what can I do with my big belly always in the way.
I'm still trying to find myself, my dream and goal where I want to belong where I can feel free and happy doing what I love and still earn ton of money. I know it should be easy but it is not! I think it was built in my whole family where we always strive for more, more and more!
Last week, my aunt (who also my current boss) told me during lunch that I need to hire a nanny fast so that the baby wouldn't feel so attached to me right after 2 months then I can start to go back to work. Then, a though occurred to me right then and there, have she understood being a mother after having 3 kids? All my cousins (I have over a dozen cousins) are raised the same way, we were sent off to oversea for education since we were 3 or 5 years old because of the country situation at that time of cause I understand I wouldn't want my kids to live and raise in Cambodia where clean water and electricity were even enough for the population.
Then again, really?? I can't be free to do what I love, earn money and raise my kid at the same time?
What concept is that to leave your kid after 2 months to a nanny so you can go back to work?
I understand of woman who must be saying are you crazy? I would die to have that, but it is not like that I'm striving to make a living here. I have a home which I'm waiting for it to complete while staying at my mother's house. I have enough at the moment to support my kid with milk, clothing and basic needs. But being there during your kid's childhood will just disappear before you even know it.
I don't want to miss anything in my kid's life specially their growing up memory which I never have with my own parents. That's why I can never say I love you to my parents or give them a simple huge. It feel burden and uncomfortable. I will not let that happen with my own kid.
I still want to move around and have fun but doing it as a family will be more fun than on my own. The journey is just begin and I want to create the best memories with my own family.
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