Finding Happiness....

A question I often ask myself these days is "am I happy?" or "what can I do to feel happier?" It's not a mental question but I consider it a motivation question to look for higher purpose in life. But, what is a higher purpose in life? I came across audible book call "Delivering Happiness", have anyone read it? The author himself, Tony is the CEO of Zappos one of the largest online shoes store which brought up by Amazon for $1.2billion dollars.
This book was an inspirational moral to me and got to think deeper about my own path of happiness and what I do for a living. I don't enjoy working anymore. I used to come to work with a goal and purpose that I am here making a different for the country and for the people, that were my higher purpose in life. After working at the same company for almost a decade, everything faded. It no longer the company I see how it will be because the company no longer needed my effort to do so. The direction, mission and vision of the operation have changes into just profit generating company. It no longer share any purpose nor the principle I have. I have put my resignation letter our last year in November 2013, but it was rejected. I was ask to stay on until the company goes to IPO which might take another year. At the rate the company is achieving, I can tell that IPO listing is not happening as fast as I like it to be. I then started to think what will I do after I leave?

Is there anything else that I love to do or want to do? Financially, I can't say I have the money to do anything I want but I do have enough to start up something small. I love baking which I don't get the chance to do much. I spent my time wastefully and kept thinking I should or could have done thing that are useful or meaningful to the society. I just don't have the motivation to start. I'm finding my happiness which I want to be able to wake up everyday and love going into my work space and get real satisfaction each time I leave.

I had a goal in my mind that at certain age I should have this or that, but as time goes by those thing became meaningless it was just material thing that doesn't serve any meaning to me.

I'm staring a website call www.mothercare-kh.com which is personal project where information from (mostly babycenter.com) online summary and combined and translated into Khmer for the mothers or women who plan for pregnancy.

What else can I do? I know I have the knowledge and strength in me to do great thing but couldn't find anything that interest me anymore. I like to hear from other people who might feel loss and looking for happiness in life.

Please share with me your thoughts so perhaps I can learn and be inspired by your though.

Thank you!

Have you had a cronut?

It sounds so strange maybe to French patisserie and bakers who doesn't much welcome food revolution but it was so delicious that I need to blog about it. THE CRONUT!
Just a brief intro here, a chef in New York, Dominique Ansel decided that it is time to create something new with the old, putting a croissant and a doughnut - a love of French and American into one bite and it turns out to be so huge that there was a new report on cronut last year which I saw of cause and wanted to try it so badly. I forgot all about that desire till this morning where my lovely sister-in-law (god blesses her!) flow 4 pieces of CRODOS from BAKED by Da Paolo Gastronomia from Singapore to give me a taste and it was all good!
I felt guilty just looking at it - the sinful act - so I told my husband let's share one and I took a bite, of cause he never see the rest.

Seriously I even youtube the "how to make cronut" like few people who actually did it at home but this thing is dangerously good, I would urge you to go and try one! I don't care what any chef have to say but if it is this good you got to really share the loveeeee...... *o*

Can a fortune teller shine light through your way?

Much like any typical Asian family, mine always and I really mean ALWAYS have fortune teller comes over for any reading at any time. Doesn't matter if its holiday or working day, my mother and my aunts will gather and analysis if what the fortune teller reading is accurate or not.
Why do I blog about this is because there a recent development from my mom that a newly found teller who is so accurate could tell a person life without knowing the person at all by reading palm and a book that brought down from China translate into Vietnamese and now in Khmer.
My mother is so devoted that it took her 2 hours to explain to me what the teller have to say about our family, her sisters and her friends. Do your family believe in a fortune teller?
My cousin in-law has also told me about another fortune teller resident in Myanmar who only take appoint 2 times a day and need a year in advance for booking. He doesn't to know who you are and you don't need to ask any questions cause he will tell you how your life will be.
There is a time where my dear aunt was in such worrisome that she has to call a teller to come in at 11PM to read about her business deal. She even let her son gets marry with his girlfriend just because the teller told her it is a great match.
I see fortune reading as a form of entertainment. It is fun to watch how each individual reading sound so vain and everyone face just go "OH..."
I can't deny that there is a certain period of my life that I was so into it too. Why not! it relief my anxiety of troubles and give me some kind of hope that good thing still can happen. We don't have a psychologist here in Cambodia so a fortune teller is someone who can slightly do that job to help you get rib of stress in some way and of cause it is much cheaper!

What a great escape for your mind!

How much is enough?

The politic in my country is a daily discussion and it is said that business must know politic! What degree is the truth based on this? I'm unsure. What nerve racking for me is that the ongoing situation in Thailand which do effect Cambodia business operation and boarder issues. I was in Thailand for my son's vaccination which is very common these days that we, Cambodian, fly over for medical reason or travel to Vietnam which is a cheaper alternative. Coincidentally, the day arrived 22nd May at 4:30PM, the government announced curfew and military take over to retain peace within the nation. All stores closed at 6PM. It sounds serious and dangerous but in real situation nothing was happening, people still going to the mall and live their daily life as normal. What bothering is the nurse at the hospital that I visited asked me if Cambodian prefer "red shirt" rather than the "yellow shirt" she repeated 3 times in total. I assured her 3 time in return that we, Cambodian, has no interest in other country political matter. We are also the tourist who just afraid of the mess in general if we will visit Thailand for medical or other reasons. What was the point of the question anyway? She was judging the whole country political view and assumption, so unfair.
What can I say.....everyone judge!
Aside from my weekend in this political turmoil, I had a conversation with a friend who happen to work for a family member of one of DPM of Cambodia (Deputy Prime Minister). It is just happen that we were speaking of corruption and money laundering. What a serious issues to discuss via text messages. I couldn't help but wonder will I get track down and shut off by the government? If that's the case, can I do anything about it?
In country like ours just like many developing countries, such topics never been discuss in open only privately at home or private space. How do I put this... few of my own family members married business and political associated with corruption and it is so common for red tape. I can't say anything but when will it stop? Will they have anything if they didn't bribe someone for certain land document to be issued? Can my family really survive with that kind of transparency?
Honestly, I don't see any of these family members (maybe few) posses any kind of skills or any knowledge that if they can actually work in more developed country.
Should they actually be proud of such money? I never feel proud about my extended family members. I used to but after working here for almost 8 years, I can say that part of the money was not honest and clean.

Do learn a skill and knowledge that can earn yourself a position you deserved! I believe that is the least I can do to stay healthy, physically and emotionally.

Speaking of truth...

Asian people hate confrontation, well if I put it accurately most Asian people do. I believe it's the truth that they can't handle, it maybe cruel or inconsiderate to them that the truth are spoken. I'm Asian but I prefer to know the truth upfront rather than knowing it later down the line. Trust me it is worst it is best to just say everything you needed to say otherwise it will be your fault and naturally you become the liar. With that being said, of cause certain truth doesn't do anyone good either so it not lying if you don't say the whole truth just enough to protect the person you care about from being hurt. A recent event occurred that I found myself put into a complicated situation. I found that confrontation has it peaks it helps you make new friend but at the same time it makes me became the "busybody" someone and being label "big mouth". I wasn't offended or anything but man it doesn't feel nice to being call certain way.
I try to get out nicely and being cool about it, but it is naturally that I can't confront that's why I rather blog about it. See now! this is Asian thinking.
I consider myself very honest to the point some may mistaken it as being mean or cruel. But really many people can't handle the truth. Most people don't like to hear about it or even thing about it, but I learn my lesson to speak the truth even it's scary and it changed my life completely.
I always think about the past, how thing will turn out if I have spoke the truth completely being honest and without thinking "well....he doesn't need to know since it's in the past". No! it is very important to because without recognizing the past it is the same as not recognizing a part of yourself. I'm a firm believer that the past shape who you are as a person. I knew someone who think the past is unimportant that it needs to stay hidden. Ridiculous? Well that person lives life base on that belief.
I also do look forward to the future, trying with most positive and hopeful thinking.

Anyway, there is a saying which funny enough I saw it on IG and it become my new motto:
"It takes ambitious to stay at the top, bu it takes character to stay at the top"
How true!

It's been a long time coming...

The last post I wrote was October 2013 and since then I have been well and it was an amazing journey so far since my son was born Nolan. He's 5 months old a very friendly, loving and active boy who loves to smile even when he asleep. I found true happiness each morning when I woke up seeing his little hand on my hand. Who knew having a child can bring such joy! I wonder if all parents feel the same.

I came back to work just a few months back and have see thing in much different perspectives. The world seem much better place to live in. Only if you're also passionate about what you're doing then you will make daily life worth waking up to. Within 3 months I have read 5 books and one of the book was such an amazing found that I enjoy so much and have then spread them with my family, friends and fellow employees. I have to say though very few share the love of reading in my family and to my surprise there are more enthusiastic reader from my work place that my family. I recently discovery all the thing that inserted into those books which bring back so much memories. I found a $10 note in one of the book which I still couldn't remember why it was there. I also found an old photography taken ten years ago. What have you left behind in your book? Anything worth remembering?